Please spread this shit like wildfire. People go on and sit through the whole experience and they’re uncomfortable because they just want to please their partner and they don’t tell them that they want to stop because they are not ready. It’s okay not to be ready.
i wish someone had told me this kind of stuff when i was younger… ಠ_ಠ
I REALLY REALLY WANT TO POINT OUT that this person’s partner first stopped & checked in when they saw physical discomfort, not when they heard verbal discouragement. This is so so important: a good partner will be paying attention to how you’re responding and they should factor that in! “Well, you didn’t say anything” is a SHITTY NO-GOOD EXCUSE. It’s ok not to be ready and it’s ok to back out but it’s so important to pay attention to each other!
Also, if you are having sex with someone and you put out those “I’m not into this and I wanna stop” signals, and they ignore them, I highly recommend you rethink having sex with them ever again. Also just generally being around them. Because when a sexual partner sees your discomfort and doesn’t check in, they are selfish at best and dangerous at worst.
I need to say, since no one has said it so far in this particular thread of commentary: Saying “I’m sorry” is okay, but please be aware that it’s a part of internalized oppression that tells us that if we’re not sexually available to a person, then we must have wronged them. This is not true. Anyone can withdraw consent at any point and you don’t have to apologize for it because it is absolutely your right.